Action figures and the meaning of life

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The two greatest things on the planet are Action Figures, and Zombies. Aside from the obvious reasons, I like these two things, because they teach me about life and how to be a better person. While I wrote an entire novel on how Zombies can make our life better (Rebirth: A zombie tale, available for only $16.99, buy your copy today!), in this blog post I would like to focus on Action figures, and how they can change your life for the better.

When it comes to Action Figures there are basically two schools of thought, and much like the Sneetches, each side thinks they’re inherently better than the other. On one side of the argument, we have those who believe that you should never ever open the action figure. On the other we have those who don’t even wait to get home before tearing open the box and playing.

In some parallel universe, wars are fought over this.

About a year ago this super cool Batman figure came out, and on the box was a picture of the figure holding a Batarang. Unfortunately no Batarang came with the figure. A friend of mine, who is a never-ever-opener or NEO as they are sometimes called (I swear I’m not making this up), was very upset by the omission of the Batarang. During one of his many rants about it, I asked him why he was so upset because he wasn’t going to open the figure anyway, so why did it matter whether the Batarang was included or not? It should make no difference to him whatsoever. I even went so far as to explain that maybe his Batman figure was the Schrodinger’s Cat of the Action figure universe, and until he opened the box, there was no way of knowing if it contained the Batarang or not.

We don’t talk much anymore.

As I said before, Action figures can teach us about life, and because of that…I am an opener (we don’t have cool names because that would just be nerdy). I think you should be an opener as well, and here’s why; Most of the major problems in the world can be boiled down to the NEO mentality.

Action Figures come in two parts: the figure itself, and the cool packaging it comes it. For us to truly understand something, we have to look at it from all angles. We can’t do that while the figure is still in the box. The secret is learning how to differentiate between what is the Action Figure in our life, and what it just the shiny wrapping.

For example, let’s look at religion which has arguably had more wars fought over it than anything else in human history. When we break down any religion we get the same message at its center, and you don’t even need me to tell you what that message is because you already inherently know it in your heart. This common denominator is the action figure. It’s the thing that we should be playing with.

All the other stuff like what day we happen to worship, the funny robes or shaved heads, the weird prayers rugs, the Christ cookies, how we pray or who we pray to, all that other stuff is just the fancy box the figure comes in.

Does it matter whether the person next to us in Yoga class likes hot yoga or cold? Whether they have an organic cotton mat or a cheapie foam one? If their Warrior-Two pose isn’t as good as ours? Or does it matter that they showed up and are doing yoga with us?                 It is only in the Action Figure world where we will see Superman fighting alongside Hello Kitty against Wolverine and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for the fate of the Death Star while driving the Mystery Machine. That is a beautiful thing. Wouldn’t it be better if life were more like that? If you think so, then take the figure out of the box and play with it.

PS If you still don’t believe me, just remember Whiskey Pete from Toy Story 3. He was never let out of the box, and became the bad guy because of it.

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